All Posts from Livejournal Blog: Frequently Mentioned Truths
I’m drunk. Know that before I start.
I’ve lost it all.
Fuck it.
Added March 22, 2016
Almost five years ago to this very day. Huh. Live Journal was an interesting experiment at getting over the death of a relationship. There was some spite, there was a lot of anger, and there were plenty of nasty, stupid posts. I treasure almost all of it entirely.
I have no idea what I’d lost, here, other than the desire to keep posting. Hm.
moroseAdded March 23, 2016
I know exactly what I meant by this and it is as true today as it ever was.
sleepyCurrent Music: black keys – tighten up
Added March 23, 2016
I tend to wax philosophical when depressed. Here is further evidence.
Also, was playing Dragon’s Lair at the time.
Is to die really to stop living?
While the answer is, invariably “YES!” I am left to wonder if there are other ways to stop living.
For me, to give up on music is to stop living.
But, on this, I think we can all agree:
To stop living is NOT to die.
Think on that.
coldAdded March 23, 2016
It is a curious thing: At this time in my life, I was so enamored with music and having it be a part of ever waking moment. While I am as convinced, today, that music is the “soul”, I find myself swimming in it less than I used to. My iPod rarely – if ever – gets used. And I’m not experimenting with new sounds as much as I used to, relying more heavily on stuff I already know and love.
Time is a grand and mysterious thing.
New Hooverphonic moves me in ways I can’t even suggest other people try to understand. It just does.
New singer, Noémie Wolfs, is no Arnaert, but is a dream all the same.
Somedays the fact that this band is such a part of my life is all I need to get through to tomorrow.
jubilantCurrent Music: Hooverphonic – The Night Before
Added March 23, 2016
Since Nov. 2010, Alex must have lost his mind. The most recent album is such garbage. I miss Noémie, which I can’t believe I’m saying after her second Hooverphonic album, “Reflection” – just goes to show you; things can always get worse.
Here’s the scoop;
Few places exist in this world where one can simply hide from the rest of everything. As such, very little can be left to secret, anymore. Everything is free and everything is available. Information isn’t worth anything, anymore. No longer can it be used as a weapon, unless one is ignorant of the fact that its powerless. What was once the key to the world has fallen to the wayside. When everyone shares everything, nothing is sacred. Nothing is pure and nothing is without lies trailing behind.
When we create a persona that is public, we deceive. All we really do in this world is deceive, anymore. If any one thing has remained in this “information age” (so called) it is the fear of being seen, which is – of course – on par with the fear of being invisible. If one has to present themselves to the world in any fashion, one must still hide it behind a wall of untruths, simply as a survival tactic. Because being in front of that wall leaves one vulnerable to bullets of harsh truths.
Roger Waters knew his shit, is what I’m saying.
Roundabout:
For years I’ve sought places to store my “more true” self so that the world wouldn’t have to put up with the suffering that is my day-to-day. But, of course, people find and read these outlets, the roads to take often being either apparent or broadcast. Despite the fact that I – and everyone else in the world – want to have private spaces to bury these inner workings, the ultimate failing is that we also want people to know them. But knowing them means we are weak, without a reason for the walls we’ve built up. So these truths – even my own – are false truths.
As such, there can be no home for me, as I am, just like there is no home for anyone as they are. We live in an age where we are, at our most pure and true, homeless. Starved for attention and homeless.
The depressing thing about all of this is that we’re all aware of it. No one out there is free from it, and not one person alive can shed themselves of this dilemma. We are slaves to our own machinations. Of this there can be no denial.
___
___
If I don’t escape the shackles of my own self-designed prison, I’ll die in here.
I may have already died.
Years ago this prison was erected to keep myself from dying in the harsh wilds of the world. Said wilds bruised me, broke me, and left me for dead. It was only within these cold walls that I could strengthen and find resolution, but not from the things that I needed resolved. More like things I didn’t even know where troubling me.
Every time I look through the bars, I see a world whose dried river beds seem more like home than the comfortable confines of the hell I’ve created for myself. Would I perish? Without a doubt.
Regardless of my desires, however, I am coming to an understanding:
I will never flee. I can’t. To flee is to die. To stay is to linger on until death. Fear binds me. It is the only truth.
Truth is… nothing.
____
My name is Skyler Bartels. I’m 25 years old. I enjoy reading, film study and digestion, music consumption and sandwiches of all kinds.
I participate in fantastic casual sex which fulfills all of my ego’s needs.
I do no drugs but partake in strong whiskey drinking from time to time.
I love my job, I love my coworkers, I love my friends.
My family is a wreck and a pit of despair.
I hate so much about a world I want to love.
One of my best friends is my soul mate, of this I am sure.
And I would destroy those that plague my past without a second’s pause.
All in all, I am pleased with myself and my life, if not at least a little bothered by the fact that I have no jetpack and it is now going on 2011. There are few things that I haven’t done and even less things that I wouldn’t do if given the chance. My life is my own and my decisions – that is to say, if one was to believe in choice – are too. Would that I could go back in time five years I would only do a handful of things differently (primarily running over certain individuals with steamrollers on sight, rather than trying to get to know them through their own thickly constructed walls) and many of those changes would not result in drastic alterations to what has become of me, now.
This is a message I leave behind for myself, so that I can relive these feelings as I am having them, now.
Also, so I can shake my head at what I must have – at one time – thought was pure genius in writing.
So to you, future-Skyler… I say this:
Give up. You won’t win. You won’t vanquish your demons. You won’t conquer any fears.
Give up, and give in. And get living, you stupid clod. And cheer the hell up. There’s likely Jack in the drawer and sugar cookies across the street. Nothing can be as bad as all that. Eat, drink, fuck, and be merry. It’s the Christian way, you fool. Jesus would be ashamed of you.
-Skyler Bartels
frustratedFor the love of a woman
No.
For the companionship of another human being.
apatheticTranslated: “Skyler is lonely as fuck.”
Advocating seeing Splice was a worse one.
This movie has everything going for it; good acting, great effects, and a haunting score draped over a timeless Frankenstein-type story.
Then Adrien Brody fucks the creature.
I mean what I say there literally, and will say it again.
Adrien Brody fucks the creature.
This turns into a comedy of errors which then results in the the creature growing a penis and raping the main female character.
Again:
The female creature, having been fucked by Adrien Brody, grows a wang and thrusts it into the other lead.
This movie is pure bile.
Just… pure bile.
Should have married that Russian. She would have never wanted to see this movie. Would have saved me $7.
disappointedAdded March 23, 2016
This used to hold the title of worst movie I ever sat through in a theater. Since then the winner is “Only God Forgives” which sucks because I loved its predecessor so much.
Worst movie I’ve ever paid to see? “Exodus: Gods and Kings” – walked right out of that one.
This movie is so bad, though, that I refuse to see it a second time to validate my opinion or challenge it. I hold fast to what I say here.
I mean, again. I’ll laugh at it again. I laughed today, already.
amusedAdded March 24, 2016
I don’t laugh at this blog, anymore. I am amused, sometimes, but the spite and rage that filled me when I posted here the most frequently is kinda pathetic, now. Which is of course exactly what it was supposed to be, then. So I appreciate its place in my long history of online presence. But it is a shame it had to happen at all.
Don’t confuse this for me regretting that anything related to this blog happened, though. If I could go back in time? I’d do everything the same, again.
And there was much rejoicing.
calmAdded March 24, 2016
I miss LOST.
And this seems as good a time as any to address all the “Mandango” titles on these posts. There was a story I read, once, about a floating paradise called “Mandango” and I liked it, but the word was used as a screen name on Xbox Live when the time came and “Mandango Complex” was available. I liked using the word before other words, so it stuck.
That is all.
skylerbartels 