Facebook – Top 100 FAVORITE Fictional Characters: 83

****SPOILERS TO FOLLOW****

83: The Predator

Created by Jim and John Thomas and played by Kevin Peter Hall (and voiced by PETTER CULLEN!?!) for the John McTiernan directed film “Predator”

First Appearance: 1987

In a move that may shock and disappoint, I’m putting a “movie monster” in the list of characters. Why? Well, probably because he’s badass and, even though he’s an alien monster from another world, he’s still amongst the most well-developed and interesting monsters in movie history and, to be quite blunt, the most interesting character in the film he’s featured in. During a 90-minute film, none of the other characters – aside, somewhat, from that badass Native American dude – have enough real screen time to develop them. Its just a Predator and Arnold playing “Dutch” and no one else. And even then, Dutch is one-note and bland. The Predator is multi-fasceted and a curious specimin.

Now it would be very easy to simply talk about how much of a mother fucker this guy is, how cool he is. So I will. Say what you will about the way the guy looks, but his dreds, his strange mouth, is fish-net pants, his mask, and everything down to his glowing green skin makes him a dude that looks the part of a movie monster. But where a film like “Alien” or “Jaws” fails to compare is in the realm of development of character. That shark isn’t a character; he’s a shark. The Xenomorph in the first “Alien” film? Just a blood-hungry monster. They both appear as monsters and are easily identified as such, but they don’t have any depth to them. They just kill in order to survive. The Predator kills in order to collect trophy. It does it for sport. It doesn’t eat people and it doesn’t even hold a grudge. It sees a challenge and takes it on. That screams personality and intelligence.

Granted, the guy clearly has a ship (which he crashes, so… hunter first, pilot… very much further down the list than hunter) so the intelligence thing isn’t really a question. His slick-ass, shoulder-mounted laser cannon, his in-helmet tech that provides him a kind of heat-vision, and his cloaking device showcase that his people are really advanced, despite the fact that they dont’ make shirts or pants. But its the way he hunts and reacts to being hunted that are far more interesting. Picking people off one at a time, showcasing a sense of honor when fighting an unarmed Dutch, and even the fact that he won’t kill a defenseless woman that would yeild him no sport of any kind depicts the guy as someone that respects the rules of a good hunt, which shows a deeper level of intelligence than one based entirely on the technological.

If there’s any one spot to really blast this guy in regards to his sportsmanship, its the fact that he’s a sore loser and a dick. He can’t just admit he’s lost, so he decides to fucking nuke the entire jungle in order to get a last “fuck you, Governator” in before he kicks the bucket. You can make the claim that he does this in order to keep his corpse from being studied and his tech taken and reverse-engineered and yadda yadda yadda. But, I mean, the dude laughs a nasty-ass laugh after he hits that self-destruct button and sees the look in Dutch’s eyes as he realizes what is going to happen. He isn’t doing it for the preservation and protection of his people. He doesn’t give a flying fuck about that. He just wants to go out with a bang. And take Arnie with him.

But even that makes him a bit more complex. The whole film we see how his people work, the tribal nature he exhibits and the level of dedication to his honor code that he sticks to throughout. It is quite cool, then, to see him have even the slightest twinge of spite in him, even if a twinge is a nuke. Its give him an almost… dare I say, “human” like nature. And its that nature that helps create in this monster something that goes against the standard idea of a simple movie monster. Compare him again to Jaws or the Xenomorph and you’ll see a stark contrast between the creatures we’re meant to fear.

And, then, at the end of the day, you can even compare the Predator of this film to those of the sequels and the horrible, awful “Alien vs Predator” films, all of which feature Predators that are stale, lifeless clones of the cool-ass monster from the first film. While these movies tend to further flesh out the character and its species, it does little to make compelling monsters that are fun to watch. Those guys are jokes. The original film features not only the best of the bunch, but one of my all time favorite movie monsters in the history of cinema. He’s a real badass and a pleasure to watch. So much so, in fact, that you almost wish he’d win, just because of how cool he is.

Favorite Portrayal:
Optimus Prime. Done and done.

Favorite Quote:
Dutch: “What the hell ARE you?”
Predator: “What the hell are YOU?”

Favorite Moment:
Watch him rip that spine and skull out and flail it around like an asshole. There is such a sense of jubilation to be found in this small sequence and the joy the Predator has over his prize. Its just another moment of pure bad-ass tendencies from a dude that more or less defines the word.

---

Added April 6, 2016
The final Facebook post and not even that far into my list of “Favorite Fictional Characters” – I was accused, later, of quitting Facebook so that I didn’t have to finish this list. That’s partially true. I liked my list but writing the entries became less and less fun.
#1 on the list was Boba Fett. Or was going to be.
Hope that doesn’t surprise anyone.

Facebook – Top 100 FAVORITE Fictional Characters: 84

****SPOILERS TO FOLLOW****

84: Rhett Butler
Created by Margaret Mitchell for the novel “Gone with the Wind”
First Appearance: 1936

If only I was as cool as Rhett Butler. Maybe I’m foolish for even putting him this far down the list. I feel bad, actually. The dude is a pimp ass playa and he knows it, the ladies know it, hell the entire country knows it. And that’s not including the people in the book/film who also seem to know it. Now, I’ve never read the book, so I’m not 100% certain that he’s as slick there as he is when Clark Gable played him in the film – and don’t get me wrong, here, folks; I hate the movie. Its over-bloated, long, boring at points, and goes on for two hours after it ends – but that doesn’t matter. The dude I got to know during the 600-hour movie was as smooth a customer as there ever could be. And one slick bastard that I’ll never forget.

The man is a card shark, a gold thief, a womanizer, a money launderer, and an out and out criminal in every other regard one could ever think of, sans rape and/or murder (that we know about). He’s an enemy to society and a friend to every individual person he comes across, of particular note considering he existed during the time surrounding the Civil War, a time when everyone was divided. One thing everyone agreed on, though? Rhett Butler was the fucking coolest. Even after stealing gold from a Yankee treasury, not only is he simply imprisoned by the troops, but he’s seen outside his cell, playing cards and robbing them in an entirely different manner. What balls on this guy. And he does so with a smile.

The primary character in both the film and the book is Scarlett, but no one cares about her because she’s a stupid, petty bitch who ultimately gets what she deserves. And I know, I know, the lesson we take from the story is that being petty gets you no where and that bad people who do bad things will have bad things happen to them. Blah blah blah. That’s boring and creates only uninteresting characters. No depth to her at all. Rhett? All depth. His stance on political dealings, the war, and even on conceptual things like love and honor create in him a well developed character that is a pleasure to get to know. In the film, any minute this guy isn’t on screen is a minute wasted on other assholes that are far less deserving.

Now, now. I know, I know. This entire note is coming across more like a badmouth-fest against “Gone with the Wind” and less an article about a great character. That’s a fair claim. But that the tragic nature of “Gone with the Wind” in my estimation; you can have such an epic character almost get lost to time because the narrative he exists in is so shoddy, it almost falls apart around him. But its through him and his interactions with the rest of the story’s cast that allows the movie/book any real importance in history, aside from being the second movie in history to make me think I was in Hell the entire time I was watching it, after Green Lantern, of course.

The man is against marriage, but loves the idea of Scarlett so much. This is his only real flaw, as I see it. He could have – and likely has had – every other woman on the face of God’s green Earth, but the one he ends up wanting to spend the rest of his life with Scarlett. And this almost ruins him, both in my opinion and as far as his character’s development goes within the novel. He can’t keep his eyes off another woman, and after the tragedy of their (Rhett and Scarlett’s) child falling off a horse, an emotionally damaged and confused Rhett has to make a decision; stay with the vile Scarlett, or get the hell out of town.

He makes the right choice.

Favorite Portrayal: I’ve seen parts of the TV miniseries based on the official sequel to “Gone with the Wind” (titled “Scarlett”). That version of Rhett Butler is played by Timothy “James Bond?” Dalton. That mother fucker is a real pimp. Clark Gable? Fuck that shit. Give me Timbo any day.

Favorite Quote: Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman.

Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.
YOU TELL ‘ER, RHETT!

Favorite Moment: I wish he’d just crushed her fucking skull in. He had the chance, and he let it go. What a waste. Alas!

---

Added April 8, 2016 I’m almost 100% certain I’d said Timothy Dalton was the best Butler just to deliver another blow to the film. There is no way that he outdoes Gable. Don’t get me wrong, though, I love Timbo. Aside from that, I stand by everything said, here. And will until my dying day.

Facebook – Top 100 FAVORITE Fictional Characters: 85

****SPOILERS TO FOLLOW****

85: River Tam

Created by Joss Whedon and portrayed by Summer Glau for the television series “Firefly”
First Appearance: 2002

I like me some crazy women. I mean, take a look at my dating history, would ya? That, alone, will provide all the evidence you need of that.

More to the point, though, River is Serenity’s personal nut, with a screw that is so loose, it fell out years ago. Experimented on and tested by a governing body that many in the known universe deem corrupt and tyrannical, poor Ms. Tam has lead a horrible life up to our introduction to her in the show’s pilot. Mystery immediately surrounds her the second Malcom Reynolds opens her case and peers into a naked River. And in a show with an entire cast of great, memorable characters, that very mystery is what really sets River apart from the others. Her brother’s origins make sense, Mal, Wash, and Zoe all make sense. And there is even an episode dedicated to the rest of the characters’ history with the ship. But River, along with the unfortunately absent Shepard Book, remain the two most mysterious characters in the entire series+movie.

But even with the movie creating a kind of book-end for the show and attemting to wrap up her past and powers, we still never get a solid feel for her capabilities, and that’s part of her allure, I think. Book, for example, is barely touched upon, just that he was part of the higher portions of the Alliance and that he had connections and information that was far and beyond what a normal shepard would have had. But the mystery of his past is never really at the forefront (which is sad, don’t get me wrong, and a horror FOX will have to answer for when they all go to Hell, someday) like River’s is, and that’s what puts her above all the others.

Her creepy ways, her odd mannerisms, and her off-kilter speech all contribute to this, but at her core, its the innocent little girl that steals the spotlight, for me. You see, she can be an action hero, she can pull off amazing trick shooting, and she can immediately know how to fly and handle an archaiac piece of spacecraft. This is all within the hinted-at realm of her manipulated abilities. But the thing that is always there, under all of that ever-ready carnage is the wonder and youth Summer Glau brings to the character. Her nimble actions, her frail personality, and her sense of constant amazement at all things reminds us that, while she is an engineered killing machine with psychokinetic powers up her sleeves, she’s just a lost little girl trying to make sense of the demons in her own head. Demons she can’t even really comprehend.

In a flashback involving Zac Efron, we see that River was always super, hyper-intelligent and well beyond her years in regards to intellect. So smart that she’s sent away to an academy where they poke at her brain for years on end, turning her into a telepath and trained physical warrior. So, while I appreciate and adore the levels they went to maintain River as a sweet, innocent girl the most, I also know how to appreciate a Whedon-written ass-kicker from space when the situation calls for it. The final brawl she has against an army of Reavers during the film “Serenity” and its closing moments, for example, not only further showcase her as a brutal powerhouse of a warrior, but adds even more depth to the mystery of her abilities and the shadowy Alliance organization responsible for them.

Whatever their intentions with her were to be, the drive the Alliance has to find her during the brief run of the show and during the entirety of the film is what moves the plot forward and keeps a kind of tension present throughout. While other narratives take over and force different kinds of situations for the crew of Serenity, its the River issue that singularly guides characters to their moral conclusions during the entire series. When the film is over and everything is said and done, it is clear that the series is really about two main characters, with River being the secondary of the two. Who is the primary? Well, we’ll be getting to him later.

Comics and ARG material aside (most of which I haven’t seen/read/heard of), the character lives and breathes on the show and in the film, and its characters like River Tam that keep the series as popular and well-loved as it always deserves to be.

Favoriate Portayal:
Well, I’ve only read one comic, so I have to give it to the show, particularly the script for the episode “Objects in Space” which showcases the entire range River has in one 45-minute episode (it being the best episode of the series has something to do with her, too). Quick, weird, and smart, River gives the bad guy – and even the crew – a run for their money.

 

Favorite Quote:
After seeing Book’s hair unbound and freaking the fuck out over it:
Zoë: River, honey, he’s putting the hair away now.
River: Doesn’t matter. It’ll still be there… waiting.

 

Favorite Moment:
As badass as her brawl with the Reavers is at the end of “Serenity”, the moment I love the most is River’s sudden and shocking shootout with bad guys in “War Stories” – Kaylee is flipping shit and scared and River comes out of no where, picks up a gun, and without even a second glance, blows every last member of the bad guys away, and with a cocked smile utters the simple yet powerful “No power in the ‘verse” line that she’s so famous for. The effects of this event aren’t fully realized for another few episodes, either, making it a wave that crashes much later, and leaves a lasting impression for years to come.

---

Added August 30, 2016
Had to fix a TON of the editing on this post, man.
Also, this makes me want to instantly re-watch Firefly and Serenity, but – well – duh.

Facebook – Top 100 FAVORITE Fictional Characters: 86

****SPOILERS TO FOLLOW****

86: Kikuchiyo
Created by: Akira Kurosawa, Hideo Oguni and Shinobu Hashimoto, and played by Toshirō Mifune for the film “Seven Samurai”
First Appearance: 1954

In a story that has been retold more times than anyone could ever even comprehend, the characters of Kurosawa’s “Seven Samurai” are well-known, at least as far as the architypes are concerned. We all know of the poor village of farmers, the horrible bandits, and the noble warriors that stand between them. But in each re-telling of this story (Star Wars does one, A Bug’s Life is one, there is an anime based entirely around this idea, Three Amigos is a conceptual reinvisioning of the story, not to mention The Magnificent Seven and a variety of other western films, just to name a few), one drastic flaw is present; the character of Kikuchiyo is never as well depicted or even represented. No, in the whole of the Seven Samurai myth, only the original gets this guy right.

Among all the stoic warriors that help protect the villagers crops and livlihoods, none is more complex than Kikuchiyo. A man who starts off as a goofy loner that no one wants to even pal around with eventually transforms into a noble warrior with ties to the class of people he aims to protect. His mission is simple: to help those that he can. He does so in a number of ways that are at times whimsical and at other times deftly heroic. This is why I think he is the most memorable of all the samurai to be featured in Kurosawa’s epic. He’s the only one with additional layers of depth and personality that allows him to function as more than a simple hired blade, but more of a true character.

His best side comes out, though, when the samurai discover that the villagers they aim to protect have robbed, kidnapped, and slaughtered samurai in the past. This causes some major strife between the groups, one that leads many of the seemingly more level-headed warriors to contemplate destroying every living thing in the town, whether it walks or crawls. And who amongst this group stands for the villagers? Kikuchiyo, that’s who. It is the reveal that he, himself, used to be from the poorer side of life and that he understands the villagers views and distrust of the warriors’ kind that calms the samurai and maintains the peace amongst those in the village. If not for his selfless unmasking of his origins, there would have been mass carnage and bloodshed.

But for all of his humility and understanding, there is still a brash and vain side to the clownish warrior, often times abandoning reason for additional weapons, better posts, or even a split-second illusion of strategy. This costs lives that needn’t be lost, and a pain in Kikuchiyo for the loss of friends and brothers-in-arms at various parts of the village seige and offensive. He laments his decisions and showcases a humanity that gives further glimpses into his person that none of the other samurai are lucky enough to display.

His high moral value, too, is of note, defending honor and loyalty when and wherever he can. He allies himself once and never questions that alliegence during the entire story. He hates the bandits when they show a complete lack of mercy, and he hates his fellow warriors when they question their reasons for helping. But he never once takes up arms or words with the villagers he means to save. This is maybe his greatest trait, in my opinion.

His death, at the film’s closing, climactic battle, is noteworthy as being the most badass in the film. But, while I’ll get to that more in a bit, here, I do want to say that it showcases the best of Kikuchiyo; he was a brave warrior, a loyal friend, a stalwart protector of the innocent, a skilled master of weapons, and a man made of wit and charm. His last act amongst the living is one for the ages, and the climax of the entire narrative.

Favorite Portrayal:
The film version, without a doubt. Any question regarding this is dumb. Dumb.

Favorite Quote:
To his horse, that is angering him:
“You fool! Damn you! You call yourself a horse! For shame!”
The horse starts to move away from him:
“Hey! Wait! Please! I apologize! Forgive me!”

Favorite Moment:
He kills the fucking bandit leader in an act that is at the same time revenge and justice. Its his killing stroke, after having been effing shot. Its the highlight of the whole damn movie, in my opinion.

---

Added September 2, 2016
Reading through this, all I want to do is watch the movie, again. But Aubrey hates it. So I’ll never see it again.
This dude, though. This is the dude.

Facebook – Top 100 FAVORITE Fictional Characters: 87

87: Vito Corleone
Created by Mario Puzo for the novel “The Godfather”
First Appearance: 1969

Why do I like this guy? Vito, here, is a real man. Important, influential, and legendary. His command of his powerful crime family is the focal point of the first film and his rise from nothing to being the head of said family is the second primary narrative arc of the second film. I can only assume the books follow the same course, since I’ve never read them. He commands fear with as much ease as he commands respect, and he is dangerous as well as he is loved by those in his life. His relationships with both his family and his enforcers/employees/lacky-

types are noteworthy, as is his penchant for getting his way, either through bloody revenge, tactical backstabbing, and/or merciless dealings with his enemies

But why do I like this guy?

Perhaps its all about Brando. I mean, I’ve never read the book, so I couldn’t really say if I thought he was a great character before any of the films came out. And, I mean, he’s only really alive for the first film, anyhow. But there’s a power, there, in Vito that is unmatched by the rest of the cast, even in Pacino’s three-film role as his son, Michael. Don’t get me wrong, I love that character and I love all three films, but the raw, sheer majesty of Brando’s command makes the character who he is in the first film: dangerous, compassionate, and breathtakingly real.

This is where the real issue with this list comes into play. Months and months ago, when I was first considering making this list, I had a talk with Aaron Jaco regarding whether or not it would be possible to really separate the characters from the actors that played them. In books or video games or comics, of course, this would be a non-issue, but with film and television, you are seeing someone become that character. Brando as Vito is a primary example of the horror that comes with trying to keep the two apart because every last thing I want to say about the character is in direct relation to how Brando plays him in this film, and – you know – how DeNiro plays him in in Part 2’s flashback sequences. This is problematic.

 

I could speak to how imposing Vito is on screen, how he carries his weight (no pun intended) and how his very presence earns him the respect and attention of those that surround him. But it is very easy to attribute this to Brando’s potrayal of the character. I could speak to the gravity of his words, his actions, and his personal arc through the two films, independantly. But, again, it would be simple to give credit to the actors playing the parts so well. Everything, down to the speech patterns, the mannerisms, and unique quirks are all part of the way Vito is played for screen. But if the issue is whether or not this means I’m commenting on Vito or Brando, then I don’t really know how to resolve it.

I hate to use a character’s post on this list to talk about the list itself (namely, some of the issues with making the list in the first place), but its the source of many issues I’ve been having keeping at it. I check to see who the next person is and, when I sit down to write the post out, all I can think about is how good a job an actor does. This is particularly distracting when you consider many of the characters in movies has alternative counterparts in other mediums, like Vito here, in Puzo’s novels. But if I don’t read them, I don’t really have access to the information I’d need to better flesh out the way I produce these notes about the characters. Instead, it turns into a sloppy series of excuses for a long-delayed and barely-read list of 100 Characters that, at the rate I’m going, will wrap up sometime in early 2018 (unless the world ends later this year). So, I’m off, now, to re-evaluate how I produce these notes. Hm.

Favorite Portrayal:
So, obviously, I’m going to give it to Brando. Just watch that first film and you’ll see why. His nuanced, subtle acting in this movie transcends standard acting abilities and skyrockets this character actor high above the rest of the cast in terms of screen presence and lasting impact on the viewer. And, you know, its Brando’s greatest role ever. So there’s that.

Favorite Quote:
“I want reliable people, people who aren’t going to be carried away. After all, we’re not murderers.”

Favorite Moment:
Uh, duh:

---

Added September 6, 2016
And here we see the break-down of this list. It was too difficult to manage it without separating the character and the portrayal. I just started losing interest in the list from this point, forward. And then I left Facebook, so that didn’t help.