Facebook – Top 100 FAVORITE Video Games: 1

So, here we are at long last. Finally, A game that Knows Everything about quality gaming, is perfect to end the list on, and should never, under any circumstances be regarded as something other than the #1 game of all time. Yep, nothing untrue about this entry at all. Its not a joke, not at all. Nope. A joke? No. No. I would never do that (ps: http://the-listmaker.xanga.com/44389771/item/). So so, here we go.

1: Turok 2: Seeds of Evil (N64/PC)
Developer: Iguana/Acclaim
Year: 1999

yep. not a joke.

When this game was finally released unto the world during the Christmas season of 1999, a young Skyler Bartels had no idea what was in store for him as he booted up his Nintendo 64, game cart in place, and prepared to enter the Lost Lands to help the Elders put an end to the Primagen before he could even start his mad quest for dominance over the world of man, dinosaur, and mantis people. A sequel to the first game, Turok 2 had everything a young lover of First-Person Shooters could want: violence, monsters, great guns, and – of course – a story to help make the game work, 100%.

It should be noted that the game features some of my favorite guns in history. Now, don’t let the fact that I mentioned none of these guns in the Top 10 Guns list fool you (seriously. Don’t even  bring that up in the comments, making claims that this post isn’t legit. Really). See, Turok 2’s guns were so unique and interesting that it wouldn’t even have been fair to place one of them on that list. Aside from a standard pistol and shotgun, the game has the single greatest flame thrower in gaming history, and also allows you to pick up and equip the coolest damn gun; the cerebral bore… a gun that shoots a tiny dart that targets the brain of your victim, burrows in through the skull, and liquefies the contents of that monster’s skull in a projectile flash of pink matter. To say the thing is gross as hell would be doing it an injustice, because not only is it true, but you’re missing out on how damn cool it is, overall.

The game world you run around in is fascinating, too. The developers decided to make the maps HUGE AS HELL and, in doing so, they ran into a problem: the N64 had limited capabilities when it came to draw distances, meaning the game couldn’t process everything fast enough to maintain a fresh and smooth framerate. This problem was easily solved, though, by cramming every last corner of the game with either crippling darkness or crippling fog. Don’t let the fact that you couldn’t see shit deter your from praising this game, though; the darkness and fog only added to the game’s creepy atmosphere, making the nearly silent monsters that rape your backside that much more realistic and engaging to do combat with. Plus, being able to see monsters, figure out what path to take, how to solve puzzles, where health items are, where bottomless pits rest, or where the nearest wall is is overrated and only serves to make games with less fog easier.

enclosed spaces had less fog, but were filled with impossible bosses

The series is known for having difficult monsters to fight, but the second game took the prize in terms of giant boss battles that served up such a high curve that you had to try again and again. See, in these days, shooters were too easy, making the play time last only a dozen or so hours. But Turok 2 decided that, to get the most bang for your buck, you would need to struggle to learn every minute detail of a boss’ attack patterns to win. So, a boss like the pictured Flesh Mother (innovative in that you could blow pieces off of her, despite the fact that it was inconsequential as far as the fight was concerned) would require hours of training to beat, adding to the games total run time. This tactic was utilized in the game worlds, too, with its sparse-as-fuck save points, insanely powerful waves of baddies, and low quantity of health pickups. This meant that the game wasn’t easy at all, and we all know that the games we play are based on having such a difficult time that we can have more fun not playing the game!

But if there’s one thing this game mastered and utilized for maximum fun, it was the inane backtracking through levels that was required to obtain power ups, keys, special unlocks, and to – actually – even finish the damn game. No one wants to play a straightforward game, and – if you have to backtrack, its best to never be any stronger, really, then you were the last time you went through the area. Oh, and if you have to go through the entire level again, just to get to the one area with the power up you need in another level, all the better. Talk about a huge play time for a game! This game doubled its total number of required hours by simply making you trek through the game over and over again! Ingenious! Of further note, you could only get ammo for some guns in some levels, meaning that if you ran out of Cerebral Bores, you had to haul ass back to the level it came from, find that one corner of the world – in the darkness while avoiding mantis people with impossibly great eyesight, apparently – to get the ammo, then you need to start the other world over, again! Talk about getting the most out of a game!

All in all, Turok 2: Sees of Evil take the prize by being a game that keeps the player involved with epic gameplay based around the pure and simple mechanic of making the game impossible to win unless you have the patience of a saint, the skill of a professional game player, and the tolerance levels of Jesus Christ himself. This design really allowed for solid gold to shine through a sea of poop, leaving the gaming world forever changed. The sad part is, all games after this one in the franchise have simply stunk it up in comparison, leaving Turok 2 as the sole survivor in a series of mostly shit games. If you haven’t played through this masterpiece, get your ass to Mars and pick up your copy. If you have played it, or think I’m joking around with this whole review, well then. You’re right. See you tomorrow with the real #1.

Classic Moment:
I loved the moment the Primagen shows up, the final boss of the game, and is immediately better at maneuvering in his battle area, has way too many powers, has insanely high levels of health, and is mostly a dick to fight. The masterstroke of this epic game is that the final boss, his motivations, and his quest make him the best villain in gaming history. And, you know, don’t let the fact that he wasn’t mentioned in my 10 Ten Villains list fool you (actually, don’t even mention it, you know… like the Cerebral Bore thing from before).

you got a bow and arrow. good god this game was awesome.

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Added April 14, 2017
The first time I did a list (which was linked, but don’t click that, obviously) I put Superman 64 at the #1 spot as a joke (just stole seanbaby’s review: http://www.seanbaby.com/nes/nes/egm07.htm). So I wanted to do it again, but needed some bizarre game to reference that isn’t the worst, but absolutely doesn’t belong on a “Greatest” or “Favorite” list. Thus: Turok 2.