Facebook – Top 100 FAVORITE Video Games: 46

46: Mario Kart 64 (N64)
Developer: Nintendo
Year: 1996

Ain’t no smart man on Earth would say that there is a better Mario Kart game than the one on Nintendo 64. There are no better courses, no better characters to pick from, no better power-ups, and no better music. The original had its awesome aspects and the new one on Wii has its awesome motion control steering wheel, but the best maps in that one are the ones from this game, so… what does that tell you? And my God am I tired of writing reviews for games without plots…

So no plot. Sure. But you don’t need a plot in a racing game. A few games have tried and, I mean, I guess it kind of works in some games, but really… its just about racing. And Mario Kart presents racing in spades. The controls on this N64 classic are tight as fuck and untouchable in regards to racing games of the time. Drifting, quick turns, and weapon firing are all done with ease, creating a simple-yet-masterful style of racing that hasn’t been touched since. At least, not by the series itself. Learning the right times to hold your turns and – even more important – knowing when to let them go is essential, and mastering this craft results in greater victories, overall. And if everyone knows how to do them, getting them off at the right second showcases your immense talent.

But timing is everything in this game. Not only does drifting require split-second decisions, but knowing when to fire off your weapons is key to winning a race. From the red turtle shells to the lowly banana peel, utilizing the tools the ? boxes give you proves you are a god on the tracks. There are few things in life more frustrating than coming close to taking a ramp, only to have your ass lightning bolted down to minuscule size right before the leap. Having to backtrack, at such a snail’s crawl, really makes you hate your fellow racers… especially if that racer is in the room with you.

There is a full roster of characters in this game, with a full selection of awesome maps, each one providing enough challenges and fun moments to learn and master. Some favorites of mine include Wario Stadium (a dirt track with tons of hills and jumps to piss off those you know can’t steer well on them) and DK’s Jungle, which includes enough moments of cheap tomfoolery to annoy any racer (including a horrible ramp to miss on, as well as a cheap as hell, last-second first place mushroom use right at the end of the map. If you’ve played the game, you know what I mean). And this game was before the mess of Mario characters and lame maps started showing up. I don’t need to play as Baby Peach. I just fucking don’t. Who does? Seriously.

love you, sis

All in all, Mario Kart 64 is a hard review to write (drunk, too, so… there’s that) in the same style as the others. But the fact remains that this game IS awesome and untouchable by the rest in the series. Four-player action has never been better, despite the fact that you are forced to use a split-screen format. With engaging gameplay, addictive courses, and enough ways to backstab players throughout the races (Frappe Snow Land, for instance, provides for enough moments to cause hate, its kinda unfair, actually), the Nintendo 64 outing for this popular racing franchise will never be topped. Its a goddamned fact.

Classic Moment:
Classic Moment in a racing game? OK, well… there’s a jump you can make right at the start of Rainbow Road (which isn’t accessible in the Wii version of the map, mind you) that, if you accomplish it, allows you the easiest goddamned victory in the history of victories. My sister wouldn’t even play the map with me (she was a god at this game, by the way. Seriously. Never lost a freaking race) unless I promised not to try the jump, going so far as to shut the whole friggin’ game off if I even attempted it. To say it was a cheap win is quite an understatement.

Why Mario Kart 64 > Bubble Bobble:
While I love the hell out of the two-player aspect of Bubble Bobble, the simple truth is that pick-up-and-play-a-few-courses gameplay in Mario Kart 64 always leads to a party, especially if you get more than two people involved. And there’s also the inclusion of “Battle” mode which allows you the simple joy of just fucking with everyone you play with. Sometimes the guiltiest pleasure on earth is shooting a blue, seeking shell at your buddy, whom you know is in first place. Its sweet.

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Added March 6, 2017
The last time my sister and I played this game before she passed, I finally beat her routinely. She was flabbergasted and – thankfully – didn’t pull a Bart Simpson and retire. After she died I just never played it again, which is a shame because it is still a badass game after all these years.
A few years ago, Aubrey and I went to this barcade in Des Moines called Up/Down and they had this on a projector with four controllers. She happened to know the two people playing at the time, and Mario Kart is one of the few games she’ll play. I had vowed to never lose my sister’s undefeated score she’d passed to me, but there was something nagging at me, something deep and fierce. So, reluctantly but filled with curiosity, I picked up the controller, selected Toad in memory, and got to work.
To say I won every single time is an understatement; I toasted them. Drifting, the shortcuts, the hidden jumps, the opportune item moments… it all came back in an instant. I clearly remember missing all the traffic on Toad’s Turnpike, narrowly making the Rainbow Road jump (Sarah started spinning in her grave), and using a last second backwards turtle shell to keep a first place lead in the one race I almost lost.
It was magic.
I will never play Mario Kart 64 again.