Frequently Mentioned Truths – Mandango Regret

I’ve made mistakes in the past. One time I proposed to this Russian woman which resulted in crushing me emotionally and keeping me from ever really developing a solid level of trust with any human being since. Since then I haven’t really been capable of developing strong feelings for another woman. I’ve had deep, depressing weeks and days since then. I’ve considered running away from everything I know and love, simply to escape being around people that know what I’ve gone through since then, the shame being so great. Asking that Russian to marry me was an awful decision.

Advocating seeing Splice was a worse one.

I feel such a new level of betrayal from this movie (and Roger Ebert…!). Never before have I been so pleasantly surprised by a movie like this – a modern day sci-fi horror movie, which haven’t been good since the days of Cronenberg’s The Fly or Carpenters The Thing – to have it turn around, slap me in the face, spit in my eye, and shit up my nose, then proceed to rape me until I cough up blood and death.

This movie has everything going for it; good acting, great effects, and a haunting score draped over a timeless Frankenstein-type story.

Then Adrien Brody fucks the creature.

I mean what I say there literally, and will say it again.

Adrien Brody fucks the creature.

This turns into a comedy of errors which then results in the the creature growing a penis and raping the main female character.

Again:

The female creature, having been fucked by Adrien Brody, grows a wang and thrusts it into the other lead.

This movie is pure bile.

Just… pure bile.

Should have married that Russian. She would have never wanted to see this movie. Would have saved me $7.

Current Location: Condo

Current Mood: disappointed

Current Music: “Welcome to the world of the Plastic Beach!”

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Added March 23, 2016
This used to hold the title of worst movie I ever sat through in a theater. Since then the winner is “Only God Forgives” which sucks because I loved its predecessor so much.
Worst movie I’ve ever paid to see? “Exodus: Gods and Kings” – walked right out of that one.
This movie is so bad, though, that I refuse to see it a second time to validate my opinion or challenge it. I hold fast to what I say here.