September 2009 – Page 2

Facebook – Conversations with Other Women: A “Review”

This movie is too contrived when it comes to its plot. Its too cliche ridden: couple, cheating, sad people, and love.

But the point of the movie isn’t the story, now is it. The point of the story is having the two main characters (played very well by Eckhart and the usually-drab Helena Bonham Carter) live through this situation on the same screen, nonstop. The only thing is…

The screen is split down the middle, each showing different parts of the same scene.

Sometimes this is two different camera angles, one on each character during the conversations, and sometimes one of the sides shows flashback moments and other characters. And sometimes it presents two alternate ways for situations to play out.

And the whole thing works. The gimmick works 100% of the time. There is never a moment during this split screen thing that I thought “ugh, is this still going on?” and that’s because it is actually different than a gimmick. A gimmick, to me, is using “chapter breaks” to separate the portions of the movie (looking at you, Tarantino!). This movie never stops the split screen once. Never do the characters end up on the screen at the same time in one image. Sometimes they do, but its in the two images. They appear twice. Never does the full screen work.

Here’s the real marvel of this movie… it could never work in full screen. Never. There is no way to compress the images or pan-and-scan. Never could it work. And how many times can you say that about a film?

There is, however, a chemistry between these two actors and, without that, no awesome gimmick would ever work. Kudos, film. Kudos.

Added September 21, 2016
I should own this movie because it is fairly awesome.
Side note: tired of seeing all these film reviews, but I know there are more comin’.

Facebook – Fido: A “Review”

What a movie! What a small bit of wonder this is! A different kind of zombie film indeed (still with enough gore to get the job done!).

Fido is a fantastic social commentary on post-war America and the desire to be safe from any kind of harm and/or make the things that can cause damage safe and our own, through whatever means). Think of how stupid it is that we use nuclear power, something that can cause us all such suffering if something simply went wrong. The same is true for this film.

Also, the parallels between the war and the “zombie war” don’t stop there, either. Overall, the relation this movie has to that time period is never forced and the actual story of the film is tight.

They have captured the feel of movies/TV of this time period, too, with the look and colors and the family dynamic. Also, the inherent fears people have of the zombies (also in relation to nuclear war). Some wonderful characters and the like populate the film, too.

This is a fun movie and nothing to balk at. It might seem like a stupid, silly film and in the end you could say that’s true. But you’d be missing the really fun things about the film. And that’d be a mistake.

Added September 21, 2016
I hardly remember this is a movie, let alone that I watched it. But, I guess, this was back when I’d watch any zombie film with average effects/production values. So… It isn’t that surprising.

HM – Back to Des Moines

Figure I should post it here, since I don’t post this shiz anywhere but here, really.

Got a job in Des Moines with Iowa Methodist on Monday, start on Wed. the 16th. Moving on down there in the relative future so as to make sure I am settled beforehand. Have given my two weeks at MLMH and am excited and thrilled for a number of various reasons to get back to Iowa and back to the place I have matured so much in the past five years.

Two things of note about this job: it will offer me enough money to be financially independent, something of great value to me. The second thing to note is that it will allow me to be around a lot of people I know and love, but haven’t seen regularly for over a year now. Friends and family members alike.

There is a sorrow in leaving home, for sure, but it is quickly overshadowed by the fact that this is what I was supposed to be doing from the get go. And that fact that it is nearly a year since my life took a goddamned nose-dive into stupidity is an interesting coincidence.

In early Oct., after having worked and planned on how I would get out to L.A., after having had no other course of action other than to move back home after a terrible job in Iowa City, and after having to live through day after day of heartbreak and heartbreak again, I was stuck alone, here, in Harvard, NE for a length of time unlike any I would have guessed. What was supposed to be a short transition was growing into an even larger and far more dumb limbo.

So any sorrow in leaving home is left in the dust in favor of newfound excitement and anticipation at amazing times, something I haven’t felt for the future since the end of 2008. I had all but given up on 2009 as a year of growth. I’ve pretty much allowed 2009 to be a year of stagnant water treading and, as such, have kept myself from experiencing things that truly make me happy. The only times I got really energetic were when I’d go to Des Moines for any number of reasons, or when a sibling would come home. Aside from that, though, I just sat and waited. By choice.

No new friends, poor attempts at meeting women, no interest in coworkers, no interest in going further with my job, no interest in doing anything to better myself, and no attempts at getting out of here (unless the opportunity presented ITSELF, rather than me having to look for it).

Now that’s changing and I can feel it…. coming in the air tonight.

Oh lord.

Moving a bunch of my crap to DM over Labor Day weekend (Sun-Tues) and then officially hanging my hat at the new place on Monday the 14th.

I am more than a little excited.

Added September 13, 2016
This move back to DSM is the single most important decision I’ve ever made. While all the reasons listed above were true, what you didn’t get was any idea of the odd situation at home with my stupid father and my – at the time – depressed mother.
I’ve made a lot of great calls since then, but this one decision shaped the rest of my life for the greater. I didn’t fully heal for a few more years, but this was a great start.

Facebook – Heavy Metal 2000: A “Review”

What’s this guy smiling about??

Probably the fact that he was in a movie I sat through the entirety of for no reason other than to get it watched before Netflix lost rights to it.

This movie is so dumb. The animation at least is of better quality and the voice acting is more than just a bit better. God only knows how I wish movies were still done in real cartoon style, rather than CG stuff. The ability to make cartoons emote in 2D is so much more interesting overall than the ability to make them emote in 3D models. Aside from that, though, that has nothing to do with this movie.

Good gore, kinda. But terrible use of music. Not that the music itself is bad, per se. But it’s just poorly timed. And it, at least, follows one story, making it slightly better than the first film. But, really, who cares? Its just the same stuff as before: gore, hard rock, naked cartoon characters, and a flimsy and poorly tied together plot.

Garbage.

Added September 21, 2016
Though Aaron’s comments are accurate about the original film, the second one is trash and shouldn’t be viewed by anyone.

Facebook – Heavy Metal: A “Review”

4 minutes and 4 seconds into this movie and I can tell you my overall review for the entire film:

IMMENSE GARBAGE What the hell. This is the most inane bullshit ever produced. And nothing has happened yet. They dropped a goddamn car in space. And the animation is so terrible…

HOLY SHIT THIS MOVIE JUST PICKED UP THE PACE 100%!!!!!!! I FRIGGIN’ LOVE THIS MOVIE!

Ok… I’ll give this a proper review in about an hour.

Nevermind.

WTF am I even doing…

Update:
Ok, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it was still mostly pointless. I liked how the stories all tied together, but in the end… it just fell apart.

This movie is just an excuse for people that dream about cartoon characters having intercourse to be grossly into it. Ugh.

Having said that, a few of the stories were interesting, most notably the noir like intro and the second story about John Candy as a black kid. Aside from that, though, the animation was so-so and the music/voice acting was “meh” and stuff.

Not worth its weight in the shit it is.

Added September 21, 2016
I have zero idea what that last sentence means, but I WILL say this: I was a bit harsh on this film, back then. It isn’t a masterpiece by any means, but it is better than I make it out to be, here.

Facebook – The Short Films of David Lynch: A “Review”

The most distressing thing I have ever had the misfortune of watching late at night, in bed, before sleep since Eraserhead (also by Lynch).

The three words I would use to describe this collection would be “frightening”, “alarming”, and “unnecessary”

There are six films in this collection, although to call some of them films is a bit beyond realistic. One of them clocks in at under a minute, while a few of the rest are barely over two minutes. A couple of them pass the 20-minute mark and those are, no doubt, the best of the bunch. Otherwise, what precedes them and follows them are some of the most distressing things I have had the terrible luck to be interested in.

The six films are as follows:
Six Figures/Men Getting Sick is a short film that was apparently (and quite obviously) looped over some art piece he’d done. Its gross and scary but pretty much just static images paired with his trademark sound.

The Alphabet, running at 3 minutes, is one of the scariest of the bunch. It contains images akin to the things that jump out at you on those joke websites. You know, the ones with the mazes you have to navigate very carefully? Just like those. It is a monster of a three minutes to make it through at midnight.

The Grandmother is the longest film of the bunch and the best one in the collection. I can’t even describe it well enough to give it’s terror level the proper amount of praise. It is just absurd and horrible.

The Amputee is funny. At four minutes, it contains a cameo by Lynch himself. I’m pretty sure the titular character is the Log Lady from Twin Peeks, too. Not that terrifying, especially in comparison to the rest of the films. It is gross, though.

The Cowboy and the Frenchman is OK, but maybe the weakest of the “longer” films. It does have the amazing benefit of having Jack Nance in it, though. What a guy he is.

The final film, Lumière:Premonitions Following an Evil Deed features this image:

That image is only one of the many in the 52 seconds of sheer noise and terror.

Overall, this is worth a viewing if you want to get a feel for the mind and depth of insanity that inhabits Lynch’s inner workings. But otherwise, don’t waste your time. You won’t sleep right.

Added September 21, 2016
Man, I just rewatched the last film on YouTube. That thing is a horror.
This collection, overall, is pretty great. I had a DVD copy of it, but the “Eraserhead” Criterion cut has the films as bonus features, so I got rid of both to make room.
The whole thing is worth watching to see “The Grandmother” by the way.

Added September 19, 2017
Updated the post to fit into the ‘A “Review”‘ category. Also, this makes me want to immediately watch these short films, though I don’t know that I could do it all at once, these days. Exhausting isn’t even the word to use, but it is as good a word as any.

Facebook – King of Kong: A “Review”

No one is quite as big a douche as this guy:

CAPTAIN DOUCHE

Otherwise, here’s the thing about this movie. Dreams are dreams. And awesome. But the winner will always be the person that leaves the dream realized. That’s why Steve is the winner, in the end. And Billy is a douche bag.

This is an amazing and frustrating film due to its level of strain that people go through.

You can make a claim that Steve and Billy are the same… they just want to prove who they are to the world (read: losers), but one person wanted it to prove themselves and the other is simply afraid of losing what they have.

Such is life! This doc. is about life.

Watch this movie for a few reasons… watch it to see scary people. But also to feel better about the world you live in. I can’t explain it past that. But watch it.

Watch it to hate that douche up there. He’s such a douche.

Added September 21, 2016
Despite the fact that this movie has since been debunked (some of the people are portrayed completely different than how they are in real life – surprise! Liberties were taken!) it is still a solid doc and worth a watch.