Facebook – Inglorious Basterds: A “Review”

Where to even begin with this terrible and pointless movie?

Let’s start with dead Hitler, the film’s climax. Never before in my life have I been so shocked to see a character killed on screen as I was during the finale of this movie. I get it, QT, you’re really big into exploitation flicks. I saw Death Proof. I know what you like. But here’s the deal… you can’t cross the streams, man. Not between exploitation films and historical fiction.

A while back I read this book based on what the years following Lincoln’s death would have been like had he not been successfully assassinated. It was pretty cool, really, having him live out the rest of his term and eventually die of old age, rather than gunshot to the back of the head. Now, that story is just like this movie, in the historical fiction’s setup. Only, this movie is all setup.

In the Lincoln story, you basically start the narrative with the assassination attempt and then go on from there. You don’t have an interesting story if its just about how he DIDN’T die. That’s a setup for the real story. Good historical fiction is only viable if you showcase the ramifications of changing an event. Marvel Comics does it right with its “What If?” comics from time to time, changing major Marvel events. By simply having Captain America win the Civil War from a few years back doesn’t make it a good story. The story is in how it’s different.

Back to this film; the ramifications of actually succeeding to kill Hitler aren’t explored here at all. AT ALL. He’s shot dead, then over-and-over again repeatedly until his head – apparently – blows up. Then dynamite explodes near him, clearly killing him. That’s it. Then its to the gut-wrenchingly tacky and stupid ending to the movie (showcasing the films major strong points, Brad Pitt and Christoph Waltz, both of whom deserve awards for their incredible, albeit short amount of work on screen) and the obviously placed end title card and credits.

By NOT telling the story of what will be different in this alternate timeline, the entire movie becomes pointless. There is no story. Period. And here’s the thing; there was such potential. In the hands of a better writer, the story of the Jewish theatre manager and her time spent living after the devastating murder of her family at the hands of the SS and the eventual climax could have been heartbreaking, Oscar-worthy, and incredible. But instead, it was treated like a B or C story line, an incredible fact, giving as how even the main story line was treated like a B-line, anyhow.

One of the film’s only highlights, Brad Pitt is only on screen for about 1/20th of the films (nearly) 3 hour run time…

The music was mostly recycled from Kill Bill (where it at least worked), the title cards and fonts were stolen right from that film, too. The shoehorned addition of voiceover work, both by Samual L. Jackson and QT regular Harvey Keitel were pointless (and Jackson’s voiceovers, regardless of who they would have had do them, were stupid and dragged the plot down. Every time,) and Mike Myers was cast in a role I thought he did well in, but they should have known better. Everyone in my theatre laughed when they saw him and wouldn’t stop it the whole time he was on screen. And don’t get me started about how that whole British subplot was pointless.

At the end of the day, though, I simply can’t stomach a movie that over glorifies the killing of the Nazis like this one does. It makes me sick to think of how many people laughed at Eli “can’t act any better than he can direct” Roth’s ‘Bear Jew’ beating that officer to death with a bat. My theatre applauded at the end of the movie. After Roth’s character’s suicide mission went off without a hitch (I won’t even note here how their actions, as depicted in the movie, were of the same caliber as those boys ramming planes into certain skyscrapers we all cried over a few years back. Think about the reasoning and the actions and you should become sick). Why? Uncomfortable gut reaction? Or because they don’t understand how disgusting the movie really was with that stuff?

Overall, it was a mostly well made film with good camera work, some solid directing, and many empty possibilities. Also, a bunch of inane bullshit that was neither necessary nor entertaining. QT needs to stick to what he’s good at. And, as of late, I don’t even know what that is.

PS: A friend and I had this convo later this evening:
ME: Saw Bastereds. It was god-awful.
Her: Why? I loved it.
ME: Why?
Her: It was awesome!
ME: Yeah, but why was it awesome?
Her: … did you even SEE the movie?
ME: Why was it awesome?
Her: You probably didn’t get it.

….what didn’t I get?

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Added September 21, 2016
Attempted to watch this again, recently.
By “attempted” I mean I saw the case on the shelf and barfed.