And thus, Skyler’s twisted circle comes back around…
I’m depressed, right now. I’ve been trying to figure out what exactly is the cause and I think its Sarah, again (like always…). College is one of those things that she would have to know all about, every last detail, every day I was here. That’s just how she was about this kinda stuff…
She and my older brother, Peter, were always in the age range where they could experience things together and have cool stuff to talk about. I dont’ get to have that with her. I was working on it, but then…yeah.
I mean, yeah, Peter is in Des Moines and I can, and do, hang out with him whenever I want to, but its not the same. There’s that damn gap that will now always be there and I will never have anything to fill it with (and I don’t want it filled, either.).
I miss her, like I miss everyone, but she gets the double bonus of being away from me on two accounts. I guess… I guess she’ll be always tugging at me, like I know she will. It’s not really fair, though, I guess. I don’t know…
I’m also depressed about the lack of “good” an/or “justice” in the world. And the fact that everyone in the world is corrupt. And the fact that I lack the ability to trust anyone, here, right now, which makes “making good friends” kinda hard to accomplish. I’ll warm up to them, eventually, but for now I’m gonna be stuck being the “cool guy that never hangs out unless he has something to say.”
I wanna go home just to be somewhere I’m comfortable, not because I miss it (which I do, mind you. And it doesn’t help at all.). But, instead, I’m going to wait a week and spend this weekend watching Braveheart and writing some stuff and reading Zak’s story.
Keep it together, everyone. And be smart, for me.
-See you next weekend!!!
Added April 14, 2016
I’m so extremely happy that the age gap between Pete and I didn’t make a permanent gap between us as brothers and friends. I think we get along better than we would have, had Sarah not passed. We would have, still, but I think necessity made us better friends.
This post would have been touching and sad but then I got all stupid with this “no one is good” and “everyone is corrupt” stuff. I never realized that the “cool guy that never hangs out” thing was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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